Okay so its been quite long that I haven’t opened this blog but I did today and well lets do this. To all those who think I am talking to myself – good for you sir/madam.
I hope you have read the previous post which talked about the ‘Who they are themselves?‘ which was one of the part of liking or being attracted to someone enough to get married to them.
The other part is ‘What they have around them?’, this part is very important to understand and must not be neglected. It is quite possible that a person’s first part is almost near to perfect but this second part is not suitable for your circumstances.
The concept here is not too difficult to understand – Attributes wise you can be very different than the person you choose and opposites do attract in that particular case.
However Circumstances are something which should be similar in the person whom you are looking to marry – here the saying ‘opposites attract’ does not work – believe me.
There are things which the circumstances consist of and I would try to deal with all of them:
- Financial Setting
- Family Structure
- House Culture
All of these are very crucial to understand before taking a decision such as that of marriage, it is a big decision in life okay? Its recommended to take it considering all your options and to assess the decision thoroughly.
1. Financial Setting
This is a very important circumstance and no matter how hard some people might try to deny this fact that ‘No money doesn’t matter’ – it does matter. Why you might ask because its a reality of life. Those who think Money is nothing are living in a dream in this day & age.
Girls are taught in my community that everything that you have ever wanted to do – you can do it after marriage – this includes traveling, doing what I like and buying what I like – what they don’t tell is that all of this would only be possible if you get a husband who will allow you to do that.
I want a guy whose financial setting is enough to keep us afloat not too much that I am lying in some hospital with severe pains and he is closing some million dollar deal. He must earn enough to put food in both of our mouths and that we never feel bad about each other – in front of family / friends.
Not so much that he leaves his family obligations and gives no time to children just because he’s trying to earn more in making a better future for this children. A father who exchanges earning money with playing with their children – raise humongous idiots and douche nozzles. You can buy them a PS4 & you can’t teach them ethics by getting them an iPad – this takes time and effort – physical effort not monetary effort.
No matter how successful a guy is, no matter how rich the guy is – if he can’t be a family guy I am not in – sorry.
2. Family Structure
Family structure is basically what his family should ideally consist of and how should it operate – again we are talking about a realistically ideal situation. I mean such happenings are there in reality too so I am not completely imagining.
Ever since I am getting mature every single day I have accepted the fact that relatives are really important and it is essential to have good relations with the close as well as the extended family.
I really like big families less the drama of course, and believe me or not some families do exist in this world which are huge but does not bring in all the drama alongside. By drama I mean the gossiping and envying aunties & uncles who are trying to cause a chaos in every single house as a sleeping pill – bad? no very very bad.
I really like anyone’s cute relationship with their sister or brother or even their parents, i mean it teaches us a very important thing in life and if any of that is missing then the person must definitely have some personality flaw as he had not experienced a certain relationship.
Joint family system is a hit and miss, if there is no drama then joint families are love because you get so much to share and learn with people around you in a single house. So many people to take on your tasks especially as a girl and even with finances people can be really helpful if the house expenses are shared. Less burden for everyone – again PLEASE NO DRAMA!
Since I am writing about a generic one I would say their religion should be socially acceptable by me and my family – this is a given as religion is a big thing in my life and me being a girl would not cut that one out.
However accepting a different set of ways in a single religion is workable as long as I don’t feel like out of place – because in some places your differences actually benefit you and get you unfair advantage over others so people are more careful. Like if you feel strongly towards a thing you’d specially be considered in that regard and you will feel special.
Like my mother doesn’t eat Beef or Mutton in Eid-ul-Azha days because she doesn’t – I don’t know the reasoning for that clearly. So everyone in our family cooks something else for her and respects her decision, I really like it – I mean if a person feels a certain way about something and it does not affect you directly then you should let them be.
I think for religious freedom this is really necessary – it doesn’t necessitate that everyone should start doing things I like to do rather just accepts that I do it in a certain way and my intention is not bad in following that rather just following what I believe is right.
There is always room for improvement I am sure and I would always love to open to that.
This also is related to family but more related to their ancestry because it can happen that the ancestry is not like related to something good – and sometimes this is not important but sometimes it does – you can’t like pluck out the background of someone and it can come back to harm you.
Background for those who think also relates to the past of the person – even though we should not go in the nits and bits of the past but it is a good thing to consider whenever you are considering someone for marriage.
I personally think that I must know their story from their birth and what are the things they did, what hobbies they had. What type of a childhood they have spent and where and in what conditions.
These are very important to me so that I can think life in their shoes rather than trying to find a prince charming later realizing their life was not beautified by tragedies rather they have always been in bliss. Believe me those who have not seen pain will not know how to face it in future and it would be just less experience – sometimes it can work but sometimes it does not.
Not everyone knows how to cope with failure or rejection – so unless they have been there. There are examples of people who have always been rich so after marriage when they got a loss in business – they could not bear the burden and suicide was their answer to the struggle. I am not saying those who haven’t had to cope with bad stuff can not answer these in future but I am just saying experience is a big thing.
I like those people who despite the odds did learn how to fight for themselves and grew up in the process. These are the realists trying to learn and grow in future – with their families too.
5. House Culture
I am very nifty about small things so bear with me on this one and if I am thinking like a girl I need to be very particular about certain stuff. These would be as follows:
a. No one takes / uses my stuff without my permission
You can use everything with my permission but without it – I will lose my cool okay? That’s a given and I think that must be true for most people – its basic human right to have ownership of stuff and for them not to be used by others without permission – for those thinking its not a basic human right – lets add it on the list ok? Gosh!
b. Do not enter my room without knocking first
Like pretty please – even as a guy – like sometimes I would be sitting on bed with my eyes closed on the bed and mum would enter and act like I can’t feel her entering so she would do quietly what she has to and then leave.
Yes I mean I understand her perspective that she does not want me to be disturbed – maybe I still get disturbed but ofc not as much as if she would knock on the door and then ask if she can come so yeah.
But as a marriage prospect I really want people to ask my permission before entering – if that’s already a habit in the house of the guy then it would be super cool – otherwise they’d have to develop it – sad? no!
c. People only staying at house for like an hour or two (at max) but not more
I really like guests (which stay for a specific duration only) because it tells that they respect your time and the personal time. Believe me or not but after some time the guests do not remain to be guests anymore and they would talk about all the things in the world, and when things end they would start gossiping and talk about nonsense.
So yes people who would only stay for a specific duration – because only then I would be able to keep my cool with them and everyone wants me to keep a cool right??? right??? right??? You better say yes ok?
d. Discovering and Exploring Dishes
This is a very nice thing to have – like its not a must have but like it would be a bonus – I really like families which appreciate some exploring of new stuff at the table to eat. Yes not everyone might not like the dish but at least there should be acceptance.
I am just in my 20s and I have gotten bored with the usual Quorma and Biryani – bless my mum she does make new stuff every now and then. Food is a very important aspect of a married life and I think the guy should think the same.
Food is not just to survive or fill your appetite – its much more than that. Its the nourishment of the whole family and to eat healthy – everyone would stay happy? YAY!
I think that would pretty much end my discussion of what I want in the Guy I would like to marry – I want a person who lives in the present basically – not some lunatic who lives in the worry of the future or the regrets of the past.
Thank you for being the wonderful audience that you are and for being patient with my lame jokes & mediocre writing skills.
Happy Breathing! (wow its been so long since I wrote that)